TODAY'S INTERVIEW: SANTA CLAUS
ZB: Now you're in my sleigh, Saint Nick. Interview time before you hit the top floor. Here we go with Question #1 - This is your busiest time of the year. Why sign with Lone Wolf Wrestling now?
SC: “Ho ho ho. Santa Claus has a big To Do List this time of year, what with getting all the gifts ready for all the good little boys and girls around the globe. I normally don’t have time to deal with matters that need my personal attention, but when I saw that naughty little Mexican boy El Hijo Del Armas Archuleta, son of the man I dealt with in the MRL, Armas Archuleta, well… I just had to make the time. Santa wanted to see what kind of man the son of the Mexican legend had become, and well (Sigh), suffice it to say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. This little monkey has been a bad little boy in his own right. Santa just had to deal with that now, and nip it in the bud as it were...”
ZB: Number 2. Why do you call your finisher the Sleigh Ride?
SC: “Everyone knows it’s just a play on words young man!!! Ho ho ho ho ho ho!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyone with a brain knows what it means....”
ZB: Question tres. Right. Big ass camel clutch. Got it. So you represent all that is good and innocent in the world yet you are befriending and teaming with the likes of Vicious Tyrant and Buford Blackwood. What's up with that?
SC: “Vicious Tyrant and Buford Blackwood, are simply misunderstood little boys, they’re really quite good don’t you know. Santa always likes to look out for those who made his personal nice list, so that’s why I teamed up with them, and will continue to do so. We are just fighting to stamp those who are not deserving at Santa’s biggest moment of the year. I can’t go wasting time making presents for little malcontents like El Hijo, Mr. Magnificent, Honey Broadway, Starkiller, Konik, and the type. They just help me make sure the good tidings go to those who truly deserve it. You really should be thanking them... Ho ho ho!”
ZB: Next question - I misunderstood just how misunderstood those fellas are clearly. So misunderstood little boys in monsterous bodies. Makes sense to me. What does Santa want for Christmas?
SC: “What does Jolly Ol’ St. Nick want for Christmas??? Why peace on earth and good will towards most men of course!!! Ho ho ho! But if I did want one thing extra this year aside from El Hijo’s punishment for being at the top of my naughty list, it would be that foul little potty mouth Starkiller’s head on a Christmas platter. He stole his new gimmick from my personal pastor, the right honorable Reverend Of The Righteous Path, Milton C. Westboro. He waited until my pastor retired from the LWL to ride his reputation to a bigger paycheck. Santa can’t stand a felonious little gimmick thief like him, so if I got one thing extra, it’s him. Anyone who delivered him to me would shoot to the top of my Nice List this year, so keep that in mind LWL. Ho ho ho!”
ZB: Last question - So milk and cookies huh? What kind of cookies do you prefer?
SC: “Why gingerbread men, peanut butter, and mint chocolate chip. Santa’s also partial to those tasty little rum balls as well. Milk is fine but I love a good hot chocolate too. *Ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!!!”
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